“Unseen Battles: In the Midst of Chaos”
February 10, 2025
“The moment SARSCov19 entered my body, my world shattered, changing forever! COVID-19 didn’t just invade my body and organs —it tore through my life, leaving behind a trail of severe pain, unbearable injustice, and profound betrayal from all those who proclaimed to love me, and those who had sworn as a duty of care to protect me. This real-life testimony of mine is not just a recount of my struggles with the virus, but a raw, unfiltered tale of the life-altering trauma that follows.
From the harrowing nights battling for peace of pain and torture to days filled with systemic failures and broken promises, my journey has been a relentless storm. Each wave of pain and betrayal brought new revelations about the fragility of trust and the reality of suffering. As I navigated through the midst of chaos, I found myself facing battles I never knew existed.
This is my story, a testament to the unseen battles fought behind closed doors and a call to those who might feel lost in the shadows of their own struggles. Join me as I peel back the layers of pain, uncover the depths of injustice, and seek light in the darkest corners of my existence.”
Hello, I’m Star. This isn’t my real name obviously — I’m choosing to remain anonymous, as I am
currently in the process of taking legal action against my employer, the NHS, as part of a large class
action suit set to proceed in the UK following the ongoing COVID inquiry.
Let me take you on a journey through my story, explaining how I ended up in this position.
Background
September 2020 – I had just started my role as a Mental Health Employment Specialist working within the Community Mental Health Team with the NHS.
As part of my role, I was to assist my colleagues (Psychiatrists, Psychologists and others within the CMHT) aiming to help and support patients into paid and meaningful employment – who were suffering from severe emotional health difficulties; such as Bipolar Disorders, Personality Disorders, Psychosis and other conditions. Many whom was in the process of being discharged from a Psychiatric hospital or were already discharged and back within the community receiving care from a Community Psychiatric Nurse (CPN) and striving for some form of recovery, and stability in their lives.
I was so proud of myself that I had managed to secure my dream job, helping those who really needed hope, support, advice and guidance. I was also elated to be a part of the NHS family.
Alongside my mentioned professional role, I am also a certified Holistic Massage Practitioner. Moreover,
I ran a Metaphysical business, at in-person events, stalls and others – offering handmade pieces and unique gemstones inspired by Holistic Health, well-being, and Spirituality. I even supplied many independent retailers with my products who showcased them within their shops.
Just before the pandemic, I was on the verge of securing a physical location to operate alongside my NHS position. My dream was to open my very own shop offering enchanting crystals and alternative therapies such as Massage, Crystal Healing and others.
Danger!
As the months rolled by, December 2020 brought a global alert.
The UK Government and the WHO announced a deadly, unknown virus spreading rapidly in Wuhan, across Chinese provinces and Italy. Media outlets were continuously broadcasting the harrowing news of thousands of daily deaths in China and Italy. It was devastating to witness. Fear gripped every one of us as we anxiously watched this apocalyptic disaster unfold live on mainstream news.
As a result of what was unfolding, the world was instructed to prepare. Urgent measures were needed to protect society, leading to belated border closures, restricted travel and a lockdown of some type.
Employers were instructed to implement remote work wherever possible, ensuring only essential workforces remained operational. This included NHS medical/clinical staff, care home workers, delivery drivers, and other vital roles—referred to as key workers in the UK.
I was among the key workers, initially fortunate to work remotely for a while. However, this respite was short-lived, lasting only until early 2021, where I was forced to operate F2F with patients, staff and businesses.
The Road Map Out Of Lockdown: Change of Attitudes, Blackmail & Dishonesty
Spring 2021 – Governments were very keen to get the economy back up and running. Unfortunately, it appeared to have taken a hit for the sake of keeping humanity alive – although the Government obviously didn’t care about this factor. All they know is money! So the narrative changed just like that, within a blink of an eye.
While the virus silently continued to devastate key workers, healthy young children, and adults of all ages and backgrounds, the government chose to turn a blind eye. Instead, they spread misinformation and fuelled conflict between the vaccinated and unvaccinated populations, focusing on changing the attitudes of society and making them believe that SARS-CoV2 is no longer a real threat. “It’s just a cold, It’s mild and with immunity, your body will adapt (they said) – all in an effort to kickstart the economy.
My NHS Trust was just as corrupt and chose to ignore the science, putting staff, patients and visitors at risk of contracting SARS-CoV19. Including myself!
They collectively pressured us to take the COVID-19 vaccination, using our jobs as leverage. Many key workers chose to walk out and protest. I found myself contemplating my options and ultimately decided that I, too, would leave my dream job. My sanity, principles, and ethics were tested to the point where I could not comply. Fear crept in, and my confidence in the government’s vaccination push waned, especially since I had previously reacted to the flu vaccine. My GP understood my concerns and granted me a medical exemption, sparing me from the risk of a vaccine that lacked evidence of halting transmission or guaranteeing my safety and in turn saving me my job.
“From 8 March, people in England will see restrictions start to lift and the government’s four-step roadmap offer a route back to a more normal life” UK Gov.
The Bits In Between: Risky Business
As all this was unfolding, my work life was also in turmoil. Our team manager was not operating professionally. As a new service to the NHS, they needed us to perform, meet targets, and make a good impression. Unfortunately, many mistakes were made, corners were cut, and safety during lockdown was disregarded.
Our team of seven was coerced through careful manipulation to break the law and hold secret meetings at various locations, including a senior colleague’s house, a café, a park, and even on our Trust premises, right under their noses. These meetings had no real purpose other than for a meet-and-greet exercise and to talk processes. We risked our safety – without PPE for nothing, when we could have easily held these meetings over Teams. However, the Trust was not innocent in this because the Seniors and Service Managers all knew and participated in what was happening, but didn’t seem to care that our lives were being jeopardised – just as the Government didn’t care about sacrificing our lives to this dangerous airborne biohazard virus.
Business as usual! – society couldn’t wait to go back to pre-pandemic ways.
In the Midst of Chaos
Fast forward to 2022 – the world had largely returned to a semblance of pre-COVID normalcy. Routine testing for COVID-19 had ceased, and mask mandates were no longer in place. However, by the end of 2021, we had already noticed shifts in people’s behaviours and attitudes towards protecting themselves and their children.
Isolation became a distant memory, and the word ‘COVID’ was treated as a dirty word or a conspiracy.
Society chose to act as if SARS-CoV-2 was over or only impacted the elderly, weak, and vulnerable. A “vax and relax” approach became the narrative, along with Covid is “mild”.
March 2022 – My Manager rang me. I was told I must “show face” in the office and to collect some important leaflets which needed distributing to our colleagues and local businesses aimed to encourage growth in the demand of our service.
I did not want to go into the office and pushed back but was dismissed. I was scared of putting myself at risk of catching this virus. Most of my team had already had it, including my manager who told me “It’s just like a flu”. It was apparent that none of them cared for my safety or opinions.
I must admit though, my manager sharing their experience and knowing they had diabetes reassured me some, as I was a young, fit, healthy person – surely I’d be okay right?! – I mean that’s what the government, NHS and other highly regarded people were saying on the news! How could I argue this?! However, I still had reservations and didn’t want to catch this virus.
I felt had no choice but to come into the office to “show face” and mingle with staff who were crammed in a room no bigger than 9ft x 6ft with 2 windows closed – because staff complained of noise and coldness. Coughing and baggy blues rested below people’s faces as they answered phones, ate or drank. This set the tone for disaster which unknowingly changed my life forever.
The Acute Phase
On 24th March 2022 – My life changed forever!
The shock hit me like a wave when that double red line confirmed my positive Covid test. Panic set in, and I was overwhelmed with fear. Reflecting on it, my initial symptoms a few days prior—sinus pressure, pain, and tiredness—I had dismissed as typical weather changes or my usual sinus infections. How naive I was! Within days, my symptoms escalated to chronic lethargy, high fever, full body aches, and a tight chest.
Despite constant messages from the media, government, and NHS about symptoms like sore throat and loss of smell or taste, I had none of these. I also didn’t have a cough, at least not one I can recall. I was quite disoriented and slept for long periods. I vividly remember having a high temperature and feeling as though I had a chest infection, which eventually developed during the final stages of my acute phase.
I tested positive for two weeks straight.
Work situation
I tested positive while on annual leave, which I had fortunately requested due to feeling burnt out from the heavy workload. I contacted my manager, panicking, to inform him of my positive result and seek advice on how to notify my team and follow NHS Track and Trace protocols. It was essential for him to be aware so he could inform the staff, especially since I had been at work just a few days earlier, which is where I know I contracted the virus.
My manager assured me he would inform the team and advised me to rest and stay in touch. Following his guidance, I recorded all my positive lateral flow tests on the NHS Track and Trace App and asked him to document this on his end. He reassured me that everything was under control and not to worry.
I finally returned back to work the following week, working remotely as I still wasn’t feeling 100%.
Loss of my best friend
Whilst I was sick with my Covid infection I received a telephone call out of the blue from my best friend. I knew he had been struggling with his health, and we were reassured when we previously attended the hospital weeks earlier that his stomach pains were nothing serious, but due to his “unhealthy diet” leading to constipation. He was sent home and all was well until it wasn’t.
Ring Ring ….. I answer and tell my friend immediately. “John I can’t talk as I’ve got COVID and I’m really poorly at the min”. He responded with … “Yeah well I’m fucking dying! I’ve got terminal pancreatic cancer with days to live” – I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I was in shock and said the most stupidest thing in response, as I burst out crying – “Are you fucking joking?!”
I’ll never forget his words and how I felt so helpless, unable to support or go to him in his time of need, because I was sick at home with Covid.
A few days later, I finally tested negative and could visit him, masked, in the hospital. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, knowing our words would be final and the kiss on his head and tight hug the last. I cared for his needs, telling him I loved him and was glad to have met him. He was more than a friend; he was like a father figure to me. The next day, he died.
Navigating Life After SARS-CoV-19
When I reflect on my experiences and journey, Trauma and PTSD immediately come to mind. It’s like watching a car crash in slow motion. You know it’s not going to end well, and you know you’ll never be the same because trauma shapes you in ways that can’t be explained unless you go through it yourself.
Every day feels like I’m drowning as I try to navigate this new existence of mine, which I don’t want.
This isn’t a plea for sympathy; it’s a genuine feeling. I sometimes wish I had died from COVID-19 because I feel I have no quality of life. This is why…
A few weeks after my acute infection from this biohazard virus, I woke up paralysed with numbness and tingling, heaviness down the left-hand side of my body. My heart was pounding through my chest like I’d run for my dear life…
I thought I was having a stroke or something! – Scared was a fucking understatement.
Rather than attempting to call for an ambulance and waiting up to 4 hours for help, I managed to call my friend crying on the phone trying to explain my symptoms. I told him I needed him to take me to hospital asap! He arrived within 10 minutes and drove me directly there.
The Hospital was inundated with sick patients, no one masked and people were frustrated, irritated and loud. I couldn’t cope or tolerate this, but was forced to endure it.
After waiting for six hours, with nurses periodically taking my observations, the doctor finally had a brief chat with me. He asked if I had experienced any stressful periods in recent weeks. Naively, I didn’t realise he might be gaslighting me—I was just grateful to be seen. However, his attitude focused on my anxious behaviour and the recent death of my friend. He didn’t bother to consider my COVID-19 infection, brushing it off entirely. Telling me I just need to rest up, drink fluids and stay calm. This was his biggest mistake and most detrimental to my recovery and life.
May 2022 – I continued to experience these unexplained random, bizarre, yet dangerous episodes of pounding heart, the onset of rashes and pains all over my body including my face.
I remember eating sweet potato soup, which seconds later caused my lips and eyes to swell. I wasn’t aware of any allergies except for Penicillin, so it was strange to me that suddenly I could no longer eat ingredients I had always consumed. Panic set in, as this was my first allergic reaction that I was actually aware of. I was absolutely terrified and rushed to the hospital because I didn’t know what to do.
Once again, I found myself speaking with a doctor who seemed more interested in my mental state than my actual symptoms and medical history. I was told that I must have an allergy to a spice or something similar and was advised to take antihistamines daily to prevent further reactions. He signed me off sick, noting that I had been under a lot of stress and pressure according to my medical records.
November 2022 – Game Over for me!
My health had massively deteriorated to the point I was now allergically reacting to everything from body care products, toothpaste, perfumes /scents, environmental factors – sun, temperatures, pollen, pollution, wind etc and others including furniture VOCs, light, sound, medications and food, beverages. – Literally everything!
I was frequently experiencing the onset of anaphylaxis without realising it because I was only told that it occurs if my throat swells up. I was never informed that symptoms like rashes, hives, sudden onset of diarrhoea, stomach cramps and swelling, and heart-pounding were also indicative of anaphylactic episodes.
My life as I once knew it was ending, as all this unfolds. I couldn’t tolerate antihistamines and the medications I was prescribed nearly killed me. I now live in constant fear of everything around me because I lack control or a proper treatment plan.
I was being bounced around the NHS system, with my GP being the only one who seemed to have my best interests at heart. She made several referrals in 2022 to different specialists in various departments.
My GP introduced me to the term “Long Covid,” a condition I was hearing about for the first time. I assumed that, since they knew what it was, there would be a treatment plan and cure for it. However, this was far from the truth.
My GP explained that she suspected I had Long Covid and was eager to support me as best as she could within her remit and with the knowledge she had. She believed that admitting me into the hospital would be in my best interest to prompt treatment, diagnosis, and support since referrals to several specialists were being rejected or had wait lists of months if not years.
The aim was to identify the cause of my symptoms. My GP was perplexed, as my blood tests at the time didn’t show any serious abnormalities except for a random elevation in my cholesterol, low immunity, and malnourishment of vitamins and minerals due to my inability to tolerate foods and being on a limited low histamine diet. I weighed only 6.5 stone, so it was also crucial to support my weight gain.
End of November
Finally, I was admitted to the hospital, though I felt very apprehensive and scared. COVID-19 was still a looming threat, and my experiences with my professional colleagues had been less than favourable so far.
The uncertainty of my situation added to my anxiety, but I knew it was a necessary step towards finding answers and getting the support I needed. – How wrong we were!
From the moment I got admitted I was treated as though I was a Psychiatric patient. The Nurses mocked me, laughing at my cries for help. The Consultant threatened to get the Adult Mental Health Team to assess and place me on a section, as In his “opinion and observation” he thought I was purposely not eating, due to an eating disorder. He dismissed my experiences of my allergic reactions, photos I provided and symptoms that I had endured since my Covid infection.
In fact, as soon as Covid was mentioned, his whole attitude towards me changed, he became sarcastic, dismissive and arrogant – until I told him I work for the NHS as a Specialist within the Community Mental Health Team and that I look forward to speaking with my colleagues. He soon pricked his ears up and changed his course of action apologising for treating me like a piece of shit basically. He then kindly explained that, given my test results were okay, my unknown reactions to foods, and the likelihood of having Long Covid, he could not offer me anything other than medications, which I couldn’t take. The only thing he could do was discharge me and refer me for an MRI scan, due to my legs constantly collapsing, feeling paralysed, and forcing me to become bed-bound and reliant on a wheelchair and care.
I was advised to go home and wait for my appointment with the Long Covid Clinic.
Community
It was a hard scary time waiting months in agony, and fear not knowing what the hell is going on with me.
I did not know who to talk to or what my next steps were. I was losing my mind and was experiencing suicidal thoughts often. I just couldn’t seem to pick myself up. My mood was dark.
I needed to find my tribe! I needed to connect with people who were chronically sick like me and could help support, guide me and give me advice from their perspective of being disabled etc.
“Never in a million years did I think I would stumble across a Facebook group with over 50k people all suffering from Long Covid. I could not believe it!”
I found my community, and even though it’s heartbreaking to see that we’re all battling this dangerous disease, including the children, it felt like finding my place. Connecting with others who share my experiences gave me a sense of belonging. Observing the same symptoms in my fellow sufferers made me realise that I’m not crazy, despite what my family, so-called friends, and some medical professionals insisted.
From there I decided to branch out and become an activist and advocate for Long Covid on all social media platforms. I strive to raise awareness and share my truth!
2023 – 2024 – Brings an array of diagnosis’s
After much waiting, I finally consulted with specialists from Rheumatology, Allergy Clinic, Dietitians, Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS), Dermatology, ENT, Pain Clinic, and others.
I naively assumed that once I saw these specialists, things would fall into place. I expected to get the support and answers I needed including a treatment plan to improve my quality of life, as it worked for the patients I supported within the Community Mental Health Team. However, most of the specialists didn’t recognise Long Covid, and allowed their personal biases to affect their professional judgment, causing me more harm, neglect and distrust.
As a result, I received multiple diagnoses for unexplained post-Covid symptoms, including MCAS, MECFS, Fibromyalgia, Mental Health Problems, Allergies, Long Covid, POTS, Raynaud’s Disease, and more.
I have seen over 13 specialists since the beginning of my journey with Long Covid, some who are Private, as the NHS insist they can not accommodate me due to me being “too complex” and difficult to manage/treat. My list of diagnoses continues to grow, as I further deteriorate, suffering from over 50 symptoms.
The present time 2025
Moving forward, I’m forced to take things day by day. I grieve my past, present, and future all at once, often crying and wishing my pain would be taken away. I feel lost, trapped, and struggling to find the motivation to keep fighting.
The Long Covid community on X has been a lifeline. Many share the same pain, loss, and unbearable suffering, and we’ve formed a new family, providing comfort to each other.
Acceptance of my new life is another challenge I’m trying to navigate. How can I grieve when my body, soul, and spirit are still here? I guess I need to keep grieving until there’s nothing left to grieve.
I now have to manage and monitor my health, avoiding triggers and hospitals, which often leave me housebound and isolated. I suffer daily with symptoms ranging from acute to anaphylaxis, rely on a friend for support, and am no longer an independent 35-year-old. I use a wheelchair and crutch to walk, and I can only leave my apartment for about an hour a month. Allergic to UV/Sun, my life has additional limitations. I’ve made no recovery and haven’t been successful in introducing any new foods or drinks to my diet in nearly three years. It’s a sad existence I wouldn’t wish on anyone, not even an animal.
I even wish Covid had killed me—maybe a second infection might.
Regarding healthcare, I now fear seeking medical assistance due to the NHS’s ignorance and safety concerns over my care. They’ve rendered me disabled by not protecting me as an employee and now treat me like a piece of shit, as a patient.
“I am merely collateral damage who they once all clapped for! Now I get sent home to just rot away and basically die”
I believe that all NHS staff have a “duty of care” towards their patients, visitors, and colleagues. I hold every NHS staff member who refuses to wear a mask accountable for the harm that may result from ignorance, negligence, and selfishness. The Government and Trusts are fully aware of the dangers of SARS-CoV-19, yet they continue to spread lies and misinformation for the sake of the economy.
The biggest mistake I made was putting my trust in our beloved NHS and the Government to do the right thing. Instead, they let the disease rip killing innocent people including children. They have blood on their hands and committed mass murder with an airborne bioweapon.
I shall never forgive, or forget what they have done to us all.
My story is just a brief glimpse into my journey with Long Covid and the injustices I face. I want people to know the truth and encourage others to share their stories. We deserve to be recognised and treated with respect.
We will not be silenced!
We will get justice!
All my Love
Star x
