Today is Sunday, 1 September 2024. The start of a new month as we head into my favourite season that is Autumn. It’s not yet 9am, and I sit here watching Declan sleeping across the room from me. We’ve been in a one room holiday let for the past 24 days. Me, him, and our two dogs. Tomorrow we move to a different holiday let. In essence, or is it in fact, we are currently transient; dare I say homeless. I’m struggling with it all.
What’s wrong with me?
I have what’s called Long Covid (You can read a good article about it here). It’s the result of the first covid infection (I’ve had 3) I contracted in April 2020. A few weeks after that infection, I developed what is called Peripheral Neuropathy in my feet. I spent two years trying to get answers from doctors before finally going to a private neurologist, having numerous scans on my brain and spine to look for causes, and along with other symptoms, she diagnosed Long Covid.
What’s wrong with me?
For me, the Peripheral Neuropathy (You can read more about the condition here) in my feet manifests like this: It’s 24/7. It never stops. It is a randomly alternating, yet most often simultaneous, combination of numbness, pins and needles, off-the-chart sharp, shooting pains, a feeling that I’m wearing 3 pairs of thick wool socks, a feeling that my skin is being pulled tight, hypersensitivity to touch where even bed sheets cause great discomfort as if my feet are raw, a feeling that my feet are swollen but they are not, a feeling like something is crawling under my skin but nothing is, a burning sensation, and an insatiable itching feeling under the skin.
Not all of those symptoms occur at once, but every day there are at least 3 or 4 of them simultaneously. I wake up feeling it. I go to bed feeling it. I am never NOT feeling it. I am on Gabapentin at night for it but it doesn’t take the pain or sensations away fully. It also comes with side effects which keep me from taking it during the day. (I’m on a mission to find out if there are any other treatment options because frankly this is driving me around the bend).
The more I walk during the day, the worse the evenings are for me when I end my day. When I do walk, I often can’t feel my feet properly so I may stumble or lose my balance.
What’s wrong with me? Long Covid.
I also ended up with adult-onset asthma, vertigo and that elusive ‘brain fog’ due to that Covid infection. Some people don’t believe in Long Covid, but post viral infection damage has long been known to the medical world. It is real. There should be no doubt by anyone. God knows I wish none of this was happening to me! I do not want feel this way or have this pain or have trouble thinking clearly or making good decisions at times. I want to be fit, healthy, capable, able…but I’m not, and quite frankly, that is breaking my heart. It scares me when I think about the future and my son who I’m watching sleep across the room from me now. My condition scares me. Between losing my beautiful eldest son Brendan Bjørn two years ago and my health struggles of the last four years, I am reeling. I am worried. And I am scared.
That’s what’s wrong with me..